The roast is cooked to perfection. Slightly pink in the center, moist but not raw. The fried potatoes steam over the plate, a faint hint of bacon wafting in the air. My arteries harden as I lean in to eat, knife and fork in hand. “Let’s say grace.” Jordan’s brow is peaked with rapt intensity, pertinence spilling onto the table from her ravenous eyes. I lower my utensils reluctantly; the habit of praying long lost.

She has a dream. A monster chases her around the house, then begins to eat her. She says she stands still while the monster picks at her and it makes her sad. Until Daddy comes and scares the monster away. Every time she tells me this dream I think to myself, “no pressure!” But for the dream, Jordan is happy. She doesn’t dwell on many setbacks. She is less moody. And she is much more cooperative when she goes in for chemotherapy each week.

I haven’t written for awhile because I’ve been on the road all week. It was hard being away. Jordan is doing well. She got a little sick from the chemotherapy this time around, but we think we can remedy the problem by increasing the dose of antacid. She only missed two days of school, and she’s back to her familiar ways.

Somehow I missed the call. I didn’t notice until I set my phone on the desk and saw the alert flashing that I had a message. My day had been so long and tiresome I almost ignored it, but curiosity got the better of me and I dialed in to voicemail. It was Jordan. “Dad, I snapped! All by myself. A real snap!” Her voice oozed with pride. I sat back in my chair and listened to the message over and over, and I thought to myself, “Hot damn!

The knot in my back throbbed. Even as I pressed it against the jet of water, the muscle was tight and unrelenting. I submerged my head to align the aching spot with the pulsing whirlpool blast. Underneath, I filtered out the world while the rhythm of the water beat against my eardrums. When my breath ran out, I floated toward the surface, opened my eyes and saw my son staring back at me, wearing swimmer’s goggles, his hair mussed and wet-plastered to his head.